Ten

Ten. The start of the double-digit years. A will turn ten this year and I am not sure I am ready to face all that it brings. Seems that not too long ago, she was just starting Kindergarten. Today, she has reached another milestone.

She is starting to look and act more like a little lady than my little girl. She now reaches my chin and In a few years, I am sure she will be taller than me.  She has begun to take an interest in clothes – not much, but enough that I have noticed. I fear that it won’t be much longer before she takes an interest in boys but I am hoping I have several years until that happens,

Ten. It has been ten years since a birth mom in Russia, who we have never met, gave birth to this silly, sweet, beautiful child I get to call mine. She never ceases to amaze me with her love and her joy for life.

Ten. Change is here and it has been creeping around even though I have refused to give it my full attention. Little changes over time have added up to this wonderful, giggling person who is developing her own opinions and ideas. I would love to keep her as my little girl but I know I can’t. For now, she still needs me in some ways and I am hoping that never changes.

As she welcomes turning ten, I know that one day I must be the one to loosen my grip on her and let her fly. All I can do is tell her that her dad and I love her and that we are so, so proud of the young lady she is becoming.  

Ten. Happy birthday my beautiful A.

Bittersweet Love

Mother’s Day is around the corner.  A day to themselves, to do whatever they want, when they want, with no one calling their name or asking them a question. It’s what every mom dreams of right?

Being a mommy is hard and it is even harder when you have had to work really hard to become one. I know how hard it is to become a mom – waiting for pregnancy tests to show yes, waiting for the doctor to tell you that you can’t have kids the old fashioned way, waiting for the adoption call that says you have been matched and waiting for the day that you finally get to meet your precious child.

I spent a lot of time waiting to become a mom (and a lot of paperwork!) and I am glad I did. When I finally became a mom, I was scared and nervous, afraid that I would break her somehow or I wouldn’t know what to do with her.

I never thought I would become a mom and now I can’t imagine my life without A. I guess it’s true that a mom’s love knows no boundaries – I become a fierce momma bear and go into protective mode when there is the least little threat to A and her happiness. That doesn’t mean I am a pushover, it just means I have learned pick my battles with my head strong, stubborn girl!

Through all the laughter, the tears, too many diapers to count, the 5-year-old drama, the thousands of puzzles we put together and countless other memories I am sure I will forget, my thoughts have been turning to the young woman who gave birth to A.

I can’t imagine what she was thinking as she made the adoption choice, nor can I imagine how she felt when she placed A in that orphanage in Russia. All I do know is that her decision has allowed me to become A’s mom.

I am so very glad she made that selfless choice and I feel a little guilty about that. I have been thinking a lot about A’s birth mom these last couple of days. What is she doing in Russia and does she think about A? I want to tell her thank you and tell her that the precious gift she gave us is turning into a smart, caring, funny and adorable little girl.

Motherhood is the hardest thing I have ever done. It is also the most rewarding, the most joyous and the most tear-filled adventure I have ever been on and I don’t want the ride to stop.

We flew into Moscow on Mother’s Day in 2008. As we drove from the airport to our gracious host family’s house, I could not stop thinking about the young woman who gave birth to A and how her journey led her to make the decision that forever changed my family. As I held A in my arms that first time, I said a silent prayer for her and asked God to comfort her.  

Our family would not look the same if it had not been for A’s Russian mom and for that I am eternally grateful. I will always be A’s mom and someday I will share with her the beautiful love her birth mom had for her.

Mother’s Day will always be a little bittersweet for me as I celebrate with my daughter and my husband and as I remember the decision of a 20-year-old woman whose unselfish act gave me my heart’s desire.

To A’s birth mom - Happy Mother’s Day to you and thank you from the bottom of my heart for the perfect Mother’s Day gift. 

What Happens Now?

I read with great sadness that our adoption agency has decided to shut down its Russian adoption program. They haven’t made a big deal about it but a quick search of their website reveals no traces of Russia at all. This makes me sad and just a little angry as well.

Russia has increasingly been making adoptions more and more difficult for the last couple of years. In December, it culminated with Putin signing into law that no more adoptions by the United States would take place. This has left many families in limbo, not knowing whether or not they will be allowed to bring their little one home.

The adoption process is long and difficult and is not for the faint of heart. There are mountains of paperwork to complete, sometimes two and three times before it is accepted. In the case of international adoption, there are two or three trips to make to a foreign country where you meet a child that you instantly fall in love with.

Every day there is a different headline out of Russia concerning adoption. These days many of those headlines are fixed on the Max Shatto case out of Texas. This precious little boy died back in January and some of the Russian government officials are now calling for all kids that have been adopted to return to Russia.

While this is just a knee-jerk reaction and is designed to get emotions going, I have been thinking what if Russia puts in place more stringent requirements for those of us who have long ago completed our adoptions. Every time I read something, I think about what is going to happen now to the thousands of children living in orphanages and those that might live there someday.

Now more than ever these kids from Russia need our help. Children are children, no matter where they are born or what country they live in. Many adoption agencies are deciding to shut down their Russian programs and this also makes me sad. Who is going to adopt these beautiful Russian children now? Russians are not known for adopting, and unless things change to make it easier to adopt, Russians will not be lining up to adopt these kids. 

These kids have done nothing wrong but are being punished as Russia and the United States engage in an emotional tug o’ war. Adoption agencies were the first to work with the children of Russia by providing humanitarian aid to orphanages. With so many agencies shutting down their Russian programs, what is going to happen to these kids?  Without the help they so desperately need, many will age out and go on to a life of crime, homelessness, prostitution, sex slavery, etc.

My heart is filled with sorrow for Max Shatto’s family and for all the families who have been told they will not be allowed to bring home their child.

My heart is also filled with sorrow not only for the children of Russia but also for those who worked tirelessly in Russia, who worked with the Russian government on our behalf and who became our tour guide, friend and most importantly family. My heart will always have a special place for Tatyana, Pasha, Sasha, Lev and Ludmila.

Thank you doesn’t seem like enough but it is all I can say at this time.  

Благодарю Вас от всего сердца

Kindergarten Blues

Today Alina started Kindergarten. I am excited for her and a little nervous if truth be told! We have been anticipating this day all summer.

This summer has been busy for our family. We have taken vacations, gone on a mission trip with our church and had a million (or at least it seems that way!) play dates with all of our friends. We have been busy.

I was one of those kids who loved going to school and I hope that Alina will love it also. I couldn’t wait for the fall – it meant new clothes, new school supplies, Friday night football games and friends.

Alina has started her journey and it’s time for my husband and I to begin letting her go. It’s hard to do but I know she will do great. My hope is that she will make new friends, laugh a lot, have fun and remember that we love her.

Today was a bittersweet day for us all but I wouldn’t change anything about it. There were tears, hugs and smiles as well as a couple of chocolate donuts with sprinkles for breakfast this morning!!

I also realized today that things will change for me – I will finally have time to do all the things I said I would do but never got around to them. I can cook from scratch more, read more, exercise and of course volunteer more!

I know that God is watching over her as he has done since the day she was born. Knowing that, it makes today a little easier to bear. This is just the beginning of her journey and we will be there cheering her on.

Russia's Decision to Suspend Adoptions

As I am sure many of you have heard, Russia has been mulling over how to react to an adoptive mother sending her child back to Russia simply with a "return to sender" note attached. Russia is now suspending all adoptions to the US until the two countries sign an agreement on the handling of adoptions.

Here is the story on AOL: http://tinyurl.com/yynawdv.

I fully understand why they are angry about this incident. Believe me, we are, too. I also understand that they are not going to just sit on the sidelines and not try to take steps to address this incident, and the future of all Russian children waiting to be adopted. Why the US hasn't already charged this woman with reckless endangerment of a child or something more serious, I haven't got a clue. But even knowing all of this, their decision is a rash overreaction.

While even one incident harming a child is too many, and regardless of how the media sensationalizes it, this is an isolated incident that is NOT the norm. They are punishing hundreds of parents & children, if not more, who are in the middle of getting their children home. Brandon and I met Alina on May 14, 2008 and we were able to see her again for a little bit the next day. We came home and didn't get to see her again until August 27th and the visit was less than 90 minutes. That is 14 weeks and likely the worst 98 days of our lives. Each day was more and more agonizing. We then had to wait another 2 weeks to see her again after the adoption was finalized and we were able to take custody of her. Let me put this in perspective for you. If you gave birth to a child in the hospital, got to spend a few hours with them on the 1st & 2nd day of their lives, and then they said "come back in 3 1/2 months and you can see them for a little bit, then 2 weeks after that you can take them home for good". Not fun AT ALL.

Also during this time was the idea that something, ANYTHING, could go wrong and throw all this off-course. You just never know because you are dealing with a very bureaucratic process in another country. It's simply an unconscionable decision to do this. The other thing to remember here is that no one knows when this will change, so the families who have already met their children may not be able to adopt that child any more if this isn't resolved almost immediately. We would have been emotionally devastated if this happened to us, and I simply cannot fathom how badly these families who are waiting for their children are hurting right now.

I cannot imagine our lives without our baby. She is simply a miracle. There is absolutely no other way to put it. Every day she does something new, or does something funny to make us laugh. There is no better feeling in the world to come home and have her run to me yelling "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!" I would give up absolutely anything in my life, or my life itself for her. I can't look at her without thanking God for allowing us to be her parents, and if you see her and don't believe there is a God who directed this to happen than you are delusional. And while the process was inordinately expensive and stressful, we would do it all over again in a split second without thinking about it.

Please write your elected officials to let them know that you support adoptive parents rights, that you believe that Tory Hansen should be punished to the fullest extent of the law, and that you want them to push that the US acts swiftly with Russia to get an agreement in place.

A Letter of Thanks

I am writing this letter today to say thank you to Russia and to Alina’s birth mom. Without her courage and sacrifice, our family would not be the same.

The news from Tennessee is heartbreaking and is only one side of the story. Parenting is not easy nor should it be taken lightly. To be a parent is to love your child unconditionally. Sometimes that is hard to do, most of the time it is easy.

My heart is filled with sorrow for both Tory Hansen and her son Justin (Artyom)– no one but the two of them will ever know why the adoption was not a good fit nor why it ended the way it did. I am not going to speculate on what caused her to think sending her son back to Russia was the best way to handle the situation. I’ll let the experts decide that.

Cases such as the Hansen’s are the exception, not the norm. Our adoption experience has been wonderful. We have had our ups and downs but I feel those are to be expected from anyone trying to keep up with a 3 year old!

It hasn’t always been easy, however Alina is our forever child and Phil and I can’t imagine a life without her. Alina has adjusted well to living in Texas and has become a sweet, funny, smart and charming three-year old. She became a part of our family from the moment we first saw her in Russia.

We are very lucky to have the opportunity to parent our extraordinary daughter Alina. We had great experiences in Moscow as well as at the Baby House in Alatyr and are grateful for the privilege of raising this beautiful little girl.

My hope is for anyone considering adoption not to rule out Russia. We can’t thank Russia enough for the precious gift they gave us as Alina’s parents. She continues to touch the lives of our families and friends daily.

From Texas with love - thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

Gotcha Day

Today is the one-year anniversary of the day the Rice family traveled to Russia and picked Alina up from the baby house. Today is the day she became our daughter forever. Today is also the day that Alina “got” us as parents and we began our life as a family

Many families who have adopted call this day “gotcha” day. Many disagree with that terminology and call it something entirely different. To us, September 10 will always be Alina’s “gotcha” day, a day to celebrate as a family. To us, this day will always be the day we “got” Alina from the baby house and started the journey back home. As Alina gets older, I am sure the name of her special day will change but it will continue to be a day of celebrating our family, no matter what it is called.

Little did we know as we traveled to Alatyr just how much our lives would change. As soon as we arrived at the baby house, we saw Alina and she held out her arms to me almost as if she knew she was coming home with us. We had a brief celebration with the staff at the baby house –they were all happy to see Alina go home with us but also a bit sad that she was leaving them. That day was an emotion-filled day for all of us.

This year, with Phil’s crazy travel schedule, we are not going to celebrate Alina’s gotcha day in a big way. She and I will do something special to mark the day. Perhaps next year, we will have a bigger celebration with family and friends. We brought back several items from Russia for Alina that we plan on giving her throughout the years as a way to introduce her to Russia and its culture.

Our journey to Alina, for that is how I think of it, was full of ups and downs and what ifs. It was also full of hope, joy and love. Love for a little girl in a country that neither of us ever thought we would visit. Every day that we spent in Russia meant that we were one day closer to bringing her home forever.

We enjoyed our time in Russia and are looking forward to visiting again. Gladney is arranging a heritage trip next year which would allow us to visit Alina’s baby house again. Even though she won’t fully comprehend the trip to Russia, we can’t wait to take her!

Phil and I have spent the last year thanking God for bringing us Alina. I hope when Alina is older, she will also thank God for bringing us to her. Gotcha day indeed!