Bittersweet Love

Mother’s Day is around the corner.  A day to themselves, to do whatever they want, when they want, with no one calling their name or asking them a question. It’s what every mom dreams of right?

Being a mommy is hard and it is even harder when you have had to work really hard to become one. I know how hard it is to become a mom – waiting for pregnancy tests to show yes, waiting for the doctor to tell you that you can’t have kids the old fashioned way, waiting for the adoption call that says you have been matched and waiting for the day that you finally get to meet your precious child.

I spent a lot of time waiting to become a mom (and a lot of paperwork!) and I am glad I did. When I finally became a mom, I was scared and nervous, afraid that I would break her somehow or I wouldn’t know what to do with her.

I never thought I would become a mom and now I can’t imagine my life without A. I guess it’s true that a mom’s love knows no boundaries – I become a fierce momma bear and go into protective mode when there is the least little threat to A and her happiness. That doesn’t mean I am a pushover, it just means I have learned pick my battles with my head strong, stubborn girl!

Through all the laughter, the tears, too many diapers to count, the 5-year-old drama, the thousands of puzzles we put together and countless other memories I am sure I will forget, my thoughts have been turning to the young woman who gave birth to A.

I can’t imagine what she was thinking as she made the adoption choice, nor can I imagine how she felt when she placed A in that orphanage in Russia. All I do know is that her decision has allowed me to become A’s mom.

I am so very glad she made that selfless choice and I feel a little guilty about that. I have been thinking a lot about A’s birth mom these last couple of days. What is she doing in Russia and does she think about A? I want to tell her thank you and tell her that the precious gift she gave us is turning into a smart, caring, funny and adorable little girl.

Motherhood is the hardest thing I have ever done. It is also the most rewarding, the most joyous and the most tear-filled adventure I have ever been on and I don’t want the ride to stop.

We flew into Moscow on Mother’s Day in 2008. As we drove from the airport to our gracious host family’s house, I could not stop thinking about the young woman who gave birth to A and how her journey led her to make the decision that forever changed my family. As I held A in my arms that first time, I said a silent prayer for her and asked God to comfort her.  

Our family would not look the same if it had not been for A’s Russian mom and for that I am eternally grateful. I will always be A’s mom and someday I will share with her the beautiful love her birth mom had for her.

Mother’s Day will always be a little bittersweet for me as I celebrate with my daughter and my husband and as I remember the decision of a 20-year-old woman whose unselfish act gave me my heart’s desire.

To A’s birth mom - Happy Mother’s Day to you and thank you from the bottom of my heart for the perfect Mother’s Day gift. 

What Happens Now?

I read with great sadness that our adoption agency has decided to shut down its Russian adoption program. They haven’t made a big deal about it but a quick search of their website reveals no traces of Russia at all. This makes me sad and just a little angry as well.

Russia has increasingly been making adoptions more and more difficult for the last couple of years. In December, it culminated with Putin signing into law that no more adoptions by the United States would take place. This has left many families in limbo, not knowing whether or not they will be allowed to bring their little one home.

The adoption process is long and difficult and is not for the faint of heart. There are mountains of paperwork to complete, sometimes two and three times before it is accepted. In the case of international adoption, there are two or three trips to make to a foreign country where you meet a child that you instantly fall in love with.

Every day there is a different headline out of Russia concerning adoption. These days many of those headlines are fixed on the Max Shatto case out of Texas. This precious little boy died back in January and some of the Russian government officials are now calling for all kids that have been adopted to return to Russia.

While this is just a knee-jerk reaction and is designed to get emotions going, I have been thinking what if Russia puts in place more stringent requirements for those of us who have long ago completed our adoptions. Every time I read something, I think about what is going to happen now to the thousands of children living in orphanages and those that might live there someday.

Now more than ever these kids from Russia need our help. Children are children, no matter where they are born or what country they live in. Many adoption agencies are deciding to shut down their Russian programs and this also makes me sad. Who is going to adopt these beautiful Russian children now? Russians are not known for adopting, and unless things change to make it easier to adopt, Russians will not be lining up to adopt these kids. 

These kids have done nothing wrong but are being punished as Russia and the United States engage in an emotional tug o’ war. Adoption agencies were the first to work with the children of Russia by providing humanitarian aid to orphanages. With so many agencies shutting down their Russian programs, what is going to happen to these kids?  Without the help they so desperately need, many will age out and go on to a life of crime, homelessness, prostitution, sex slavery, etc.

My heart is filled with sorrow for Max Shatto’s family and for all the families who have been told they will not be allowed to bring home their child.

My heart is also filled with sorrow not only for the children of Russia but also for those who worked tirelessly in Russia, who worked with the Russian government on our behalf and who became our tour guide, friend and most importantly family. My heart will always have a special place for Tatyana, Pasha, Sasha, Lev and Ludmila.

Thank you doesn’t seem like enough but it is all I can say at this time.  

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